Let’s break it down. The website is a giant pain in the ass. The in-bank tellers are either completely indifferent or syphilitic morons with shit for brains (that’s my dad’s alltime favorite insult, folks).  The service is so segmented, that literally, each phone rep line only knows how to do 1 thing, i.e. cancel a check, or pay a bill, and they have know idea literally who you’re supposed to talk to do anything else. Time before last, when I was trying to talk to someone in home checking about making sure I didn’t receive any more junk mail at my house, the customer service rep I was speaking with spent 5 minutes looking up who I was supposed to talk to then transfer me, to a DISCONNECTED NUMBER! Forget being too big to fail. Bank of America is too big to even work.

So today, I found out about B of A’s twitter team, no doubt, the result of some outside strategist telling someone high up in the organization that they A.) need to improve their image because everyone knows their customer service is outright shitty, and B.) they need to be on Twitter.  As a result, they have a team of six twitter service reps (who, based on their pictures, look like they got moved over from other sides of the company), whose job is literally, to scan Twitter for pissed off tweets about Bank of America, and then @reply to the unsatisfied customer to see if there is anyway they can help (they can’t). Check out some of the tweets.

@foodisbliss I apologize for the experience you had, and will share this feedback with our leadership team. Was everything resolved?^kd

@DianeKennedyCPA I work for Bank of America, and I’m sorry to learn of your negative experience.^nc

@EFisch I apologize about the misunderstanding,and would like the opportunity to see if we can help,Send DM with contact info, no acct #s^SB

Literally, these folks have to find people who are already pissed off, introduce themselves and then not doing anything. It’s  Twitter’s equivalent of a trash collecting job. So to you unemployed social media workers out there, well, it could be worse.